People Who Need To Go Sit Down Somewhere: How to Make Money From Mass Murder

This is an excerpt from an actual (yes, ACTUAL!) press release for the online dating site WhatsYourPrice.com:

"Hi [redacted],

In the event of a tragedy like the Dark Knight Massacre, who would you want by your side on a first date? One online dating website asked their members what they would do on a first date if they found themselves in danger, and the answer may surprise you. If you are holding out for a hero, dating someone who is generous, but not necessarily wealthy, may be the difference between life and death.

During the Dark Knight Massacre, three men lost their lives to save the lives of their girlfriends. But what if you were on a first date, and you had only just met? How do you differentiate the courageous from the cowardly? According to the results of the survey of over 20,000 generous male members, it’s by generosity, but a man’s generosity is not defined by the size of his wallet. In fact, men who make between $80,000 to $150,000 per year are more likely to take a bullet for you on a first date.Those who fall outside of that income bracket, are significantly less likely to put their well being over that of their date’s, on a first date."

WhatsYourPrice.com is the first online dating website where generous members can bid on a first date with an attractive member. The website launched in April 2011 and currently has over 400,000 members worldwide. “Our website is known for generous men bidding for the chance to spoil and pamper women on a first date,” says Founder & CEO, [redacted]. “Not only are they generous, but most of the men who use our website are also gentlemen. A gentleman opens doors, pulls out chairs, and puts their well being above that of their date, even in the line of fire.”

I have attached the press release for your review, and the full study is available by request. To schedule an interview with Founder & CEO, [redacted], please send an email to [redacted] or call [redacted].